Monday, 5 October 2009
I'm disheartened. It's one of those times in my life where, out of all the people who have failed me, I have done it the most. I betray myself at the greatest lengths.
It's hard.
Maybe for everyone else a relationship and true relationship with God comes easy, but for me it's like a ton of bricks. Because, honestly, I don't feel strong. I don't feel like I can go through with it. And I have had to fight myself too many times and told myself that I can do it.
Can I? Will I? Yet what Ryan said two weeks ago keeps playing in my head:
How badly do you want it?"
Do I want it? Sydney, do you want it? How hard are you willing to struggle, how far are you willing to go?
To the ends of the earth. Because the love I feel when I am in God's arms is overwhelming. It's more incredible than anything I could ever imagine. I may have not had my first kiss yet, but I know what love feels like from the creator of love, and I am keeping it. The struggle is so hard, I get that. Hello? I live it. But that's what makes the fighting so much better. I want to win and be a sore-winner about it. I want to take the devils nose and shove it, to rub it around in failure like a bad dog. I want to have the victory of a win.
That's what I want. My heart has been set on that, it always will be.
- I really liked Emma's last post. It made me think. A lot of that has been going through my head as well.
- Thinking is going to be the death of me.
- You have no idea.
- To be totally honest, this was not a very long post. Danielle, and maybe you other readers are probably very proud.
- Then again, we say the most when we say the least.
~Yours Truly
"So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us." (Romans 8:32-39)
4 comments:
Aw Sydney, it is NOT hard, no one ever said it was easy, it is probably one of the hardest things to get in a relationship with God. I had the hardest time because I doubted God so much but just keep pressing in! And you know I am praying for yoU!
~Morgan
The very last bullet you wrote is SO VERY true. And it's also very true that ourselves, and thoughts, are definitely one of our worst enemies.
But that's the thing, when we win the battle against our sorrow/pain/discouragement that just makes us so much stronger! The difference between fighting a war against someone else and one within ourselves is that the noticable source of strength MUST be God. When we are struggling with something else we can say that we had victory by our own means. But when its one against ourselves, who else can we look to for strength? God proves Himself, and He always will!
Oh Sydney. Be VERY glad you've never experienced fake "love"...
God's love is the only kind that will build you up FOREVER, instead of building you up and tearing you down. It's really awesome that you're pursuing God with so much zeal, and He'll bless you as a result!
Sydney, Thank you soooo much for the scriptures you put on this post!!! I really needed ministered to today, and God used you to do it!! Praise God...I feel encouraged to go through the battle of what's come against me. Keep on fighting the good fight of faith. I'll be praying for you...I'll be the first to tell you that it's not always easy to follow God, BUT it's so worth fighting for! He is AMAZING !!!
Ingrid :o)
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