Thursday 20 August 2009
I suppose that it is rather depressing and somewhat shameful that I didn't make a post yesterday. Why? No clue, that's why. I guess it was because I had a headache (for those of you who don't know, I rarely ever get headaches, so when I do get them, they hurt, like the dickens!) And I was thinking about vlogging and I wasn't exactly all with it.
Enough said.
Today was probably a fantastic day of school. I found out Shelby, who is my laugh-maker is in my Science Lab. We sat next to each other to and were cracking up over things such as the amazing noises from my plastic chair.
Anyway.
If you don't already know, I hate, hate, hate waking up to an alarm clock. I can have a person wake me up and I'll be out of bed in a matter of seconds. But when the alarm clock starts talking I turn it off over and over and eventually turn it off and go back to sleep.
So that's what happened today. I fell asleep again. And since it's such a small world after all, the same thing happened to Morgan.
So we woke up at like, 5:40 instead of 5 and Morgan was really grumpy because she didn't get to do her devotional. (I told her to read a few chapters from Psalms but she grumbled about "not good enough.")
So I read my bible, and I re-read Psalms 91 for possibly the hundredth time.
I just think it breaks my heart to know that God will give me that much if only I give him my little. What makes me worthy?
Nothing.
That's just it. He is so amazing that your 100% to him, reaches beyond the heavens!
I suppose God really dealt with me last night during prayer. I finally was able to tell God that I wanted him, but I wanted the world and what I couldn't have too. That was really where I broke down. I couldn't help cry because I felt it. It broke me apart. I couldn't take in that God wanted me more than anything. That he would want me more than the morning sun, more than the sound of waves lapping the beach, all he wanted was me. All of me.
It's much like Lovely Leah said: It's a relationship. You can go through many people, hop around a few times, but it makes the "ONE" less special.
I love how she worded that. Because I haven't dated, through high school it will be very hard for me not too because I know a few young men that wow me and stun me. But thinking that I have THE ONE waiting for me makes it worth it. Because it will be so much more special.
I will be honest, I never cry in public.
I've always felt too man to cry. Too tough. It's my number one no-no. The only times I've cried in front of a multitude of people is when I read a story about my mother dying in front of my third grade class and I couldn't finish the story. The second was in front of my drama class when I sang AMAZING GRACE. And now I can add a third. Last night. And it was worth it. Because as every single tear slipped down my cheek, every single burden, and heartbreak I had ever know slipped away too.
And I walked away with something.
You don't have to be tough all the time. You don't have to keep that wall up.
Because God can tear it down. With one look, one word it can come crumbling down.
Because God can tear it down. With one look, one word it can come crumbling down.
All you have to do is be man enough to cry.
Blurb for the day.
Trip, Ace & Demo,
~A&A
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2 comments:
Oh dearest, lovely Sydney:
Thank you for using "like the dickens." It makes me happy.
I LOVVVVVEEEEEEEEE that picture. A few months ago I talked about how God gave me a "word picture" of my heart with cuts and bruises, misshaped and discolored. It became bright red and vibrant with life, but still had the scars from what had happened.
You gotta understand what I'm tellin you!
Another thing...I don't cry in public. But somehow at church, that doesn't apply. Because I pretty much ONLY cry at church. God peels off the layers of my onion until there's nothing left..and I let him. Actually, I BEG him.
I hope you know this song...but you should listen to "Porcelain Heart" by BarlowGirl. I'm kinda thinking that could be what inspired this blog, but it's an AWESOME song that gets me EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Syd-
Wow. I really have never read a blog post quite like this one. As you know, I'm definietly one to cry in public, but I feel that English class woud not be an appropriate place. I only wish I could put what I am thinking about in words. I also wish that this could be longer, more heartfelt, etc. but like I said before, English class calls.
~Grace
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